You know the war on Christmas has jumped the shark when David Spade — the guy from “Joe Dirt,” not exactly a fire-and-brimstone preacher — is calling it out on his podcast.
But here we are. And honestly? Good for him.
The Incident
Spade was on his “Fly on the Wall” podcast with Dana Carvey when he dropped this observation: He attended a tree-lighting ceremony at some mall — he didn’t name names — and noticed something weird.
They never said “Christmas.” Not once. The whole ceremony. For a Christmas tree.
“To consciously avoid that, then what is the tree for?” Spade asked. “A December to Remember? Is it a Lexus dealership?”
That’s the line right there. That’s the absurdity distilled into one perfect joke.
We’re putting up 75-foot Douglas firs, stringing them with 9,500 lights, inviting Santa Claus to flip the switch — but we can’t say the word that explains why any of this exists.
It’s not a “holiday tree.” It’s not a “December tree.” It’s not a “seasonal conifer of ambiguous celebration.” It’s a Christmas tree. It’s been a Christmas tree since before any of us were born. And pretending otherwise isn’t inclusive — it’s just stupid.
The Portland Problem
Spade’s not imagining things. Portland, Oregon — because of course it’s Portland — just held its “41st Annual Tree Lighting Ceremony” and scrubbed the word Christmas from every piece of promotional material.
Santa was there. Christmas lights everywhere. Carolers singing Christmas songs. But officially? It’s just “The Tree.”
“Portland’s Tree is lit!” the city’s Instagram announced, presumably with a straight face.
When called out, Mayor Keith Wilson’s office insisted it was actually a “Christmas Tree Lighting” and accused critics of “quite the reach.”
Okay, so it is a Christmas tree — you just refused to call it that in public. Got it. Very brave. Very consistent.
The Double Standard
Here’s what Spade nailed that most people are afraid to say: Christianity gets treated differently than every other religion.
“Like, is this where we get the hammer?” he said. “You can’t say that about anyone else.”
He’s right. Nobody’s out there demanding we rename menorahs “seasonal candelabras.” Nobody’s insisting Diwali celebrations be called “autumn light festivals.” Nobody’s scrubbing “Eid” from community event flyers.
But Christmas? That’s the one we tiptoe around. That’s the one where corporate America and city governments twist themselves into pretzels to avoid acknowledging what everyone already knows.
It’s a Christmas tree. We’re celebrating Christmas. The guy in the red suit is Santa Claus, and he’s coming because it’s Christmas.
This isn’t complicated. Unless you’re trying really hard to make it complicated.
The Broader Point
Carvey made a smart observation during the podcast: He’s never met a single person of another faith who was actually offended by a Christmas tree.
Not one. In his entire life.
Because normal people — Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, atheist, whatever — understand that Christmas is part of American culture. They’re not threatened by it. They’re not traumatized by hearing the word. Most of them have been to a Christmas party, exchanged Christmas gifts, or sung along to Christmas songs at some point.
The only people offended by Christmas are a tiny sliver of perpetually aggrieved activists and the corporate lawyers who live in terror of them.
And somehow, that tiny group has convinced half of American institutions to pretend December is just a month where trees spontaneously appear in public squares for no particular reason.
The Real Issue
Spade went somewhere darker too — and he wasn’t wrong.
“We’re taking a beating down in Africa,” he said. “This is not the year to be Christian.”
He’s talking about Nigeria, where Christians are being slaughtered at a rate that the U.S. State Department and the Pope have both called genocide. He’s talking about the DRC and Kenya, where churches get attacked and believers get kidnapped.
That’s real persecution. That’s people dying for their faith.
And meanwhile, back in America, we can’t even say “Christmas” at a Christmas tree lighting because someone might feel… what, exactly? Mildly aware that Christianity exists?
The contrast is obscene.
The Bottom Line
David Spade isn’t exactly a culture warrior. He’s a comedian who’s been making people laugh since the ’90s. He called himself “spiritual” rather than devout. He’s not preaching from a pulpit.
But even he can see how ridiculous this has gotten. Even he’s willing to say “stop that bulls—“ — his words — about the Christmas erasure routine.
When the guy from “Tommy Boy” is the voice of reason on religious freedom, maybe it’s time to admit the culture has drifted a little too far.
It’s a Christmas tree. Say it with me: Christmas tree.
Nobody’s offended. And if they are, they’ll survive.
Merry Christmas.